Holding On…And Letting Go

You came to me once in a dream, and it was so real that I could feel the warmth of your body when I woke. My chest ached from the ragged breathing, my lip tender from the biting. And I could feel you all around me. As I laid in my bed in the early morning hours, I could taste you. I could smell your scent on my pillow. I could see the way you look with my sheets draped across your body. I replayed your voice and the countless hours of shared conversation. The way your eyes move when you laugh. The way my heartbeat changes at the memory of your smile. And for the longest time I was wrapped up in that dream, although I was awake. And feeling you near, if only for a moment, made all the hours without you more bearable. And I was happy. And the world made sense. But then the sun came shining through my window. And the sounds of daylight woke me from the spell your memory had me under. And I was back in the real world, once again. And in the real world…our souls, though they are made of the same stuff, are far apart right now. And that ache in my chest turned to pain. And that space all around me felt empty. The warmth turned cold. My pillow turned damp from a sad stream of tears. And I wondered if wherever you are…for just a moment…you could feel me reaching for you. Because I could swear that I could feel you trying to stay. I swear that I could feel you grasping at the air. And I could hear you telling me to hold on……

……As if I have a choice. Because though I try to let you go…I can’t escape you when I sleep.

–LJB

Published by lamandabeesleyconrad

#Writer of Literary Fiction. Writing Prof @ The University of Oklahoma. Mom & wife. Art, music, theatre enthusiast. HUMANIST.

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