Middle of the Week Musings…

Too many people are afraid of any emotions that aren’t happiness. And that is unfortunate. It’s okay to have sad days. It’s okay to just feel blah sometimes, for no real explainable reason: Maybe it’s because we live in a world that is tragic. Maybe it’s because we are surrounded by people that promulgate hate and division. Maybe it’s because we had a bad dream that reminded us of a sad moment from the past. Maybe it’s because we are anxious about new endeavors that are coming. Maybe it’s because we don’t feel thin enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or good enough. Whatever the reason(s), we all have moments when we feel down. And it is not okay for others to make us feel even worse by demanding a reason why, or worse yet, fueling their own insecurities with it.
I have spent a large portion of my life feeling too much, for most people. Sometimes, I think about the ways of the world and get overwhelmed with thoughts. I want to do so many things, all at once, that it becomes too much. I want to read books, and write books, and listen to music, and take photographs, and watch documentaries, and learn as much as humanly possible about everything. And save people. I want to be a perfect mom and perfect wife and perfect daughter and perfect sibling and aunt and cousin. And then I can become immobilized by the impossible tasks that I set for myself. But one certainty in my life is that I never stop loving. And I never stop thinking. And my intentions are always good. And I try to remain positive and understanding, always. But….I am comfortable with my “down” days. I own that part of me. I know that is the price I pay for being so wildly empathetic. And it’s okay. Because most of the time, I am the happiest girl you’ll ever meet. And most of the time I find beauty in the simplest of moments, though I have never dared to claim that I am a simple girl. Simple things please me greatly, but simple I am not.
And I share these thoughts because I imagine there are others that find themselves in this place. This place of being afraid of their emotions, or judged for them, or misunderstood.
My advice: Own your emotions. Own the good days and the bad days. It’s okay to feel things…even things that you can’t quite make sense of. To feel is to live. And as long as you are alive, you may as well be living. And you may as well be feeling things.

Published by lamandabeesleyconrad

#Writer of Literary Fiction. Writing Prof @ The University of Oklahoma. Mom & wife. Art, music, theatre enthusiast. HUMANIST.

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